My family is a sensitive subject for me. I don't talk about them much at all, but for the sake of the blog, I will. I have my parents, two sisters, and a niece and nephew. The only extended family that I am even remotely close to is my cousin, Jason. You have to understand how hard it is for me to write about some things, so excuse me if I'm a little vague.
I guess I'll start with my parents. They're been together for twenty-five years. The past few years have been anything but happy. Between fighting with each other and fighting with my sisters and me, no one has enough time to be happy. I haven't seen happy in this house for a long while, and I don't expect for it to show up anytime soon. I cannot fully explain the unhappiness that lies within their relationship, it is just that bad. My mom recently tried to commit suicide to try to escape it. January 1, 2011 to be exact. I cannot express the fear in my heart for her life at this point. It's taken me until now to accept that she even tried to do it. That's all I can say about that. I still don't like to talk about that much.
Moving on to my sisters. Jeska and Jazmin. Jeska is pretty much the one person in this house(besides my dog) that I can go to and tell her anything. She doesn't judge me, or question me. She fully has my back, and I can't thank her enough for that. I love hanging out with her. I don't remember much about Jeska from when I was really little. I do know that she's always been my favorite sister though.
Jazmin is my middle sister. Up until i was seven or eight, Jazmin was my only friend. Were she was, I was. I always looked up to her, and I wanted to be just like her. On her eighteenth birthday, she moved out. She hasn't been the same since. Now she drinks, and lies, and smokes weed. That is not who I want her to be. I want my old sister back so bad. There are rare occasions were she goes back to her old self. She has that childish look in her eye and her smile says it all. That's my sister. Nowadays I feel so much animosity between us. I'm scared that she and I will end up resenting each other for the rest of our lives.
My cousin Jay is amazing. When we were kids, me and Jazmin would go spend weekends in Reeltown at my aunt's house so we could play with him. Jay is a good bit older than me, but he still knows how to have fun. He used to take us fishing, and we would take baths together in our bathing suits in a blow up pool in the back yard. That was probably the best time of my life. I remember he'd always have cotton candy bubble gum in the refrigerator. After my aunt went to bed we'd sneak into the kitchen and he was give me and Jazmin a piece. I loved tagging along with him everywhere. He is like the big brother I've never had. For the past few years,Jason has been in and out of jails and prisons. I write to him once a week. Despite everything he's done to get where he is now, I still look up to him. He has taught me so much about life.
You see, my family is far from normal. My family is broken and weak. I'm having a hard time actually posting this. This is not something I just go blabbing about. I feel like I need to talk about it to get past it though. Like I said from the beginning, I'm doing this blog to help people understand me. The best way to learn about someone is to start from their roots. I don't want pity about my family. Everyone's family is a little messed up. Mine just happens to be ahead of the game.
-L
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