"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

Friday, August 10, 2012

Well.. I got my wish..

I'm pregnant. I've told michael (obviously) and my sisters and my best friends. But not my parents yet. It feels so surreal. Like its not really happening. I'm terrified of telling my parents. That's my biggest concern right now.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Baby Fever

I've always been one to pride myself on being completely open and honest. Sometimes I can't be, but right here... right now, I'm going to let it all out. Two of my closest friends are mothers. They are both my age. No more than a month older than myself. Since the two of them have had their babies our friendship as withered away to nothing more than a random text every few weeks. Partly because they have more important things to think about, and partly because I just can't relate to them anymore.

For a while now I've had this "baby fever". I want a baby. I'm young, and I know being a mom is far from a walk on the beach. I practically raised my nephew till this point. I'm 19 going on 30. I'm way too mature for my age. I'm so ready to have my own baby, live my own life. Most kids dream of becoming a doctor, or a vet, or an astronaut. Me? I always wanted to be a mommy. To create a new life with someone whom I love SO much has been my dream since I was a little girl. I'm ready to live that dream.

Anyone who knows me knows that  my biggest fear is having a doctor tell me that I am not able to have children. I have plenty reason to believe that my biggest fear may be a reality. I know I need to pick up the phone an make an appointment, but I am so terrified of hearing what they have to say. If i hear that I can't have kids.. I honestly don't know how I will react. I know it will crush me. I can't even bare to think of what my life will be like without living my dream. Soon... Soon I'm going to get up the courage to make that phone call. Whatever happens, happens. "Que sera, sera" right? Michael and I will deal with whatever outcome. I just hope its what I want to hear...


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Just a little catching up

It's been close to a year since I blogged. I just haven't felt like it. My life as I know it now is completely different than it was a year ago when i graduated high school. I can tell that I have grown up a lot just by looking back on past blogs. So, here's a quick update to let you guys know how things have been going since high school!
I have completed two semesters of college at Southern Union, and let me tell you it was not easy. first semester was a breeze. When I got to the second semester I guess I did not take it as seriously as I should have. I barely passed some classes and I did not pass a few, which I will be retaking online this fall.
I have fallen in love with the most amazing human on this earth. I remember reading an old blog about Valentine's day and questioning who I would end up with, and wondering if it was someone that I already knew. Turns out, "the one" was right in front of me the whole time, and I never knew it. I was so blind to it because I was too worried about chasing after someone whom I was simply infatuated with. Michael and I have known each other since I was a freshman, and we have always been pretty close friends. Our relationship developed very slowly, and I am actually very thankful for that. It gave me time to know him,  and trust him. Not jumping into a relationship in the beginning has made all the difference. We've been together a little over a year now, and I truly do love this man.
I get a little depressed more often than I used to. I think its just because I have more time on my hands now. It's summer time. I'm either at work or sitting at home doing nothing. I wish i was responsible enough to be one of those people who have saved up enough for a car and an apartment, but I'm not. I am about to start a new job that pays A LOT more than Zaxby's, not that I don't love my job now, but i need the money. I have bills on top of bill now. Being a grown up is really hard. Like, REALLY hard. It sucks, but its... nice. I know that doesn't make sense, but eventually you'll understand what I mean if you don't already.
Ahh, well.. it's been real. Until next time, my friend.