"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I've officially hit rock bottom.

I don't know what it is that makes me this way. Maybe its just.. in my blood. At this moment it my life, I'm just.. depressed. My friends are all leaving for college or for the marines or something else bigger than this stupid ass little town. While they're out making something of themselves.. I'll be here, withering away to nothing. Because, let's just face it, that's what I am. Nothing. Something has triggered in my head. It makes me sick. I'm isolating myself and making everything worse, but I just can't help it. Why should my friends suffer on my behalf? It's not their fault that I'm crazy.  It's not my place to hold them back from being who they want and doing what they want. Just because I'm going to be stuck here doesn't mean that they have to be stuck with me. I've drug them down for too long and it's time to let go. I don't.. I don't want this anymore. I'm sick of fighting. I'm sick of pretending that everything is just fine when its not fine. I will not play happy anymore. I don't have to energy, nor the time to put into it. I'm gonna end up just like my mom.. just sitting here waiting for the clock to run out, because that's who I'm meant to be.
It's gotten to where I can't even convince people I'm happy, and okay with things when I REALLY AM  HAPPY. So, what's the use in trying? Maybe.. maybe I'll feel this way for a while. Maybe I'll feel totally normal, and wonder why I even posted this, but right now, at this moment.. I don't give a damn.