I seem to live for that saying these days. "What ever will be, will be." I tell myself that everyday. Some days are just so wonderful, other days.. well, not so much. I guess that's to me expected, right?
I'm the kind of person who is used to being in control, and having a goal and working hard to get it. Instant gratification. For the first time, things are way out of my hands, and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. It's hard to just.. wait around not knowing what he feels, or what he's even thinking. I honestly feel vulnerable for the first time in a really long time. I don't like it one bit. So much is going on in my life. This is the most important time of my life and I feel like I have absolutely no control over how it plays out. My anxiety has been going crazy, and I can just feel my heart getting tired from all of the weight that I've been putting on it lately.
This boy. There are so many things that I adore about him. The little things are what I love the most. Like how he knows me. He's recently started to be.. eh, I don't want to say protective.. He's been more concerned about my well-being then usual; Or he's voicing it more than usual. It just feels good knowing that he's cares. The one thing I absolutely without a doubt love about him is how I can look into his eyes, and see clear to his heart. "The eyes are the window to your soul" It speaks so true. I just... I can't find the words to describe what it is about him that makes me so.. happy, and I don't plan on searching for that reason because.. well cause we all need a little mystery in our lives.
-L
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