Or, some screwed up version or some at least. You know? Girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy, boy just.. is boy? Yeah, that kind. And you know something? I'm perfectly okay with moving slow, and letting things fall naturally. Que sera, sera, right? Last night was pretty hard. I had my mind so focused on him that I couldn't relax long enough to get sleepy. I closed my eyes, I saw him. I turned the tv off, I heard his voice in my head. I listened to music, and it was a stupid sappy love song that made me think about him. You see, I'm not this kinda girl. I don't get all googly eyed and junk when it come to boys. But, I don't know. With him I dont have to be perfect. Shoot, me and perfect dont even belong in the same book. ( oh and in case you didnt notice, im being lazy about punctuation and junk today. Sorry!) I dont want to jinx anything, so we'll see what happens.
Needless to say, its been a long day. But, I had to write a little bit. I always feel better after i write. even if it is about something pointless. oh, well.
-L
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
i got lost in your brown eyes.
I've sat here staring at a blank screen for at least fifteen minutes now. So, I turned on the musical station on Pandora hoping it will help me think a little. So far, I've still got nothing.
I want so badly to to write something that is inspiring, or moving, or even something intellectual, but my brain refuses to come out of hibernation. I have spent most of the day cleaning or curled up in bed. The past few days I've just wanted to be alone. There are only a select few people that I really really wanna see, most of which I will see tomorrow at school. Others, well who knows?
I was listening to some old songs today. one song in particular made me think about one person. the lyrics are:
-L
I want so badly to to write something that is inspiring, or moving, or even something intellectual, but my brain refuses to come out of hibernation. I have spent most of the day cleaning or curled up in bed. The past few days I've just wanted to be alone. There are only a select few people that I really really wanna see, most of which I will see tomorrow at school. Others, well who knows?
I was listening to some old songs today. one song in particular made me think about one person. the lyrics are:
I'm so scared that The way that I feel Is written all over my face When you walk into the room I wanna find a hiding place We used to laugh We used to hug The way that old friends do But now a smile and A touch of your hand Just make me come unglued It's such a contradiction Do I lie or tell the truth? Is it fact or fiction The way I feel for you? CHORUS: It's so complicated I'm so frustrated I wanna hold you close I wanna push you away I wanna make you go I wanna make you stay Should I say it Should I tell you How I feel? Oh, I want you to know But then again I don't It's so complicated. Just when I think I'm under control I think I finally got a grip Another friend tells me that My name is always On your lips They say I'm more Than just a friend They say I must be blind Well I admit that I've seen you watch me From the corner of your eye Oh it's so confusing I wish you'd just confess But think of what I'd be losing If your answer wasn't yes Repeat chorus I hate it 'cause I've waited so long For someone like you Should I say it Should I tell you How I feel? Oh I want you to know But then again I don't It's so complicatedThe last blog I posted.. in some ways I regret posting it, because I'm scared.. terrified, actually. However, in my first blog I promised to be completely honest. So, I won't delete it. I'm going to just take what ever happens. I don't know if mentioned persons have read the blog, but if and when they do, I'll deal with whatever happens. I'm a strong person. I'll take what I can get from him, because I do love him so very much. I'd rather have his friendship than to completely lose him. I'm not strong enough for that. But, I guess we'll see where this goes.
-L
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The worst thing a girl could ever do.
.. Is fall in love with her best friend. Especially when she knows she doesn't have even the slightest chance with him. It's wrong, and unrealistic. I've tried for months now to smother it to the very back of my mind. The last thing I want to do is ruin the amazing friendship that we have. I just hurts.. so bad.
Let me give you this back story before I tell you the main story. I have a best friend. She and I are totally in sync with each other. It's like we're on the same wave length and sometimes its even scary. She is beautiful, and smart, and caring and artsy. Everything a guy would want. A guy would be insane not to like her. There lies the problem. Because she is so beautiful and I'm so.. me, I feel like at times I am in constant competition for attention of our guy friends. We have never had a mutual guy friend that hasn't had a crush on her. Therefore, if I happen to like a guy who also knows her it usually ends up like this:
Me: Hey, wanna hang out sometime?
Guy: Sure, is your friend going to be there too?
Me: Sure, I guess she can be..
Guy: Great! Cause she's really pretty. Does she have a boyfriend?
BAM. There goes all hope. I get all upset and just.. jealous. She's pretty much beating buys off with a stick, and I'm the friend they come to when they need someone to put in a good word and that's it. It just gets hard to handle at times. I just wonder why I'm not good enough. Like, obviously I'm just not pretty enough being as though she and I are literally just alike, so I know it isn't my personality.
Anyway, So I have this friend. He's one of my closet guy friends. A few months back he told me he liked her. At first I was totally happy, you know? He needs a nice girl, and it was all fine and dandy. The more he talked about her, the more I regretted ever introducing them. I was just jealous. The feelings for him just keep growing
Now, back to the point.
So, Last night was prom night. my best guy friend was my date, and my best girl friend (the one from the back story) was in our group with her date, another good friend. So, we get to prom and it was LAME. My date is a shy guy so we didn't dance much, and I didn't too much mind it. I did, however, mind him giving my friend more attention than me. We sat in some chairs outside the ball room and I just watched them shamelessly flirting. I was full of jealously and just ..pure rage. I mean, here I am at my senior prom feeling like.. a third wheel to my date and my best friend. I literally got up and walked out. Partly to see if he could follow me, and partly because I didn't want to watch them anymore. As I was walking out on the grass I tried to piece together what I was feeling. I was hurt, and I felt dumb for even thinking this time would be different. I felt embarrassed because I let my feelings for him just build up, and I was letting my feelings get the best of me. I was angry, and sad, and.. and jealous. They both followed me out. She asked if I was okay, and of course I lied and said yes. I really wanted to just yell "No! I'm not okay! I'm in love with him and he likes you.. like always." He's my best friend.. and I'm in love with him. When I took him home last night I hugged him tight, and it literally hurt to let him go. It took everything in me not to look him in the eye. He said goodnight and I told him I loved him and he said it back. Only difference is, I really do love him. It hurts like hell. I won't tell him. I refuse to do anything that might cause me to lose him, I won't. So, that's it, if you're still reading this, thank you. I had to get it out because It's all I can think about. I'm in love with my best friend. So, I'm gonna take a deep breath, and pack all these feelings back where they belong. Where no one can see them.
-L
Let me give you this back story before I tell you the main story. I have a best friend. She and I are totally in sync with each other. It's like we're on the same wave length and sometimes its even scary. She is beautiful, and smart, and caring and artsy. Everything a guy would want. A guy would be insane not to like her. There lies the problem. Because she is so beautiful and I'm so.. me, I feel like at times I am in constant competition for attention of our guy friends. We have never had a mutual guy friend that hasn't had a crush on her. Therefore, if I happen to like a guy who also knows her it usually ends up like this:
Me: Hey, wanna hang out sometime?
Guy: Sure, is your friend going to be there too?
Me: Sure, I guess she can be..
Guy: Great! Cause she's really pretty. Does she have a boyfriend?
BAM. There goes all hope. I get all upset and just.. jealous. She's pretty much beating buys off with a stick, and I'm the friend they come to when they need someone to put in a good word and that's it. It just gets hard to handle at times. I just wonder why I'm not good enough. Like, obviously I'm just not pretty enough being as though she and I are literally just alike, so I know it isn't my personality.
Anyway, So I have this friend. He's one of my closet guy friends. A few months back he told me he liked her. At first I was totally happy, you know? He needs a nice girl, and it was all fine and dandy. The more he talked about her, the more I regretted ever introducing them. I was just jealous. The feelings for him just keep growing
Now, back to the point.
So, Last night was prom night. my best guy friend was my date, and my best girl friend (the one from the back story) was in our group with her date, another good friend. So, we get to prom and it was LAME. My date is a shy guy so we didn't dance much, and I didn't too much mind it. I did, however, mind him giving my friend more attention than me. We sat in some chairs outside the ball room and I just watched them shamelessly flirting. I was full of jealously and just ..pure rage. I mean, here I am at my senior prom feeling like.. a third wheel to my date and my best friend. I literally got up and walked out. Partly to see if he could follow me, and partly because I didn't want to watch them anymore. As I was walking out on the grass I tried to piece together what I was feeling. I was hurt, and I felt dumb for even thinking this time would be different. I felt embarrassed because I let my feelings for him just build up, and I was letting my feelings get the best of me. I was angry, and sad, and.. and jealous. They both followed me out. She asked if I was okay, and of course I lied and said yes. I really wanted to just yell "No! I'm not okay! I'm in love with him and he likes you.. like always." He's my best friend.. and I'm in love with him. When I took him home last night I hugged him tight, and it literally hurt to let him go. It took everything in me not to look him in the eye. He said goodnight and I told him I loved him and he said it back. Only difference is, I really do love him. It hurts like hell. I won't tell him. I refuse to do anything that might cause me to lose him, I won't. So, that's it, if you're still reading this, thank you. I had to get it out because It's all I can think about. I'm in love with my best friend. So, I'm gonna take a deep breath, and pack all these feelings back where they belong. Where no one can see them.
-L
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Goodbye doesn't always mean forever.
Lady or the Tiger.
Les Miserables S.E.
The Man Who Came to Dinner
Tartuffe
Oliver!
Blithe Spirit
25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street S.E.
Am I forgetting any? It's quite possible. The past 4 years I have been surrounded by the most amazing people you could possibly imagine. I cannot even find the words to express my gratitude for these people. Saying goodbye to this, to them is probably one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. I have never in my life worked so hard on anything. The Opelika High Theatre Society is my family. The Opelika Performing Arts Center is my home. I'm so sad that I have to just walk away from something that I've dedicated my entire being to for four years. It's heart breaking. Those people and that theatre have been my escape from everything bad for so long that it literally hurts to be losing it. I do not know who or where I would be if it wasn't for them.
Revel Gholston is one of the most amazing men I will ever know. I could thank him a million times and I still would not be thanking him enough. He's not only my teacher, but he has become one of my close friends. He isn't always easy to deal with, but I deal with him anyway, just like he puts up with me. He's the only person who can convince me to stay at that school until 4 in the morning working. I love every minute of it.This all started in 8th grade when Kathryn Spain convinced me to sign up for theatre. I fell in love immediately. 10th grade Revel somehow sucked me into helping him Tech for Lady or the Tiger, and well, the rest was history. I haven't left Revel's side since then. I'm always there when he needs me. Hell, I'm there when he doesn't need me. But now, He's going to have to train someone else to memorize his favorite drink and what he wants from BK. He'll have to teach someone else how to deal with some of the crazy people from Opelika Arts Association. As hard as it is, He'll have to say goodbye, and I'll have to say it back. I'm not ready for that moment yet.
Baxter Burke is my partner. My right-hand man. Without him, I'd be lost. He and I are a team and I love him very much. I never thought that he and I would ever be so close, but here we are. Both crying because leaving each other is like.. drinking kool-aid without sugar. It's just wrong. I love you Bax.
Tracy Tidwell.. well, as much as he annoys me, I'll miss him too. He always has me laughing with his stupid jokes and his fart noises.
For EVERYONE that has been involved in OHTS, past and present, you are amazing. All of you are very dear to my heart. To whoever gets to take my place.. well.. good luck.
-L
Les Miserables S.E.
The Man Who Came to Dinner
Tartuffe
Oliver!
Blithe Spirit
25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street S.E.
Am I forgetting any? It's quite possible. The past 4 years I have been surrounded by the most amazing people you could possibly imagine. I cannot even find the words to express my gratitude for these people. Saying goodbye to this, to them is probably one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. I have never in my life worked so hard on anything. The Opelika High Theatre Society is my family. The Opelika Performing Arts Center is my home. I'm so sad that I have to just walk away from something that I've dedicated my entire being to for four years. It's heart breaking. Those people and that theatre have been my escape from everything bad for so long that it literally hurts to be losing it. I do not know who or where I would be if it wasn't for them.
Revel Gholston is one of the most amazing men I will ever know. I could thank him a million times and I still would not be thanking him enough. He's not only my teacher, but he has become one of my close friends. He isn't always easy to deal with, but I deal with him anyway, just like he puts up with me. He's the only person who can convince me to stay at that school until 4 in the morning working. I love every minute of it.This all started in 8th grade when Kathryn Spain convinced me to sign up for theatre. I fell in love immediately. 10th grade Revel somehow sucked me into helping him Tech for Lady or the Tiger, and well, the rest was history. I haven't left Revel's side since then. I'm always there when he needs me. Hell, I'm there when he doesn't need me. But now, He's going to have to train someone else to memorize his favorite drink and what he wants from BK. He'll have to teach someone else how to deal with some of the crazy people from Opelika Arts Association. As hard as it is, He'll have to say goodbye, and I'll have to say it back. I'm not ready for that moment yet.
Baxter Burke is my partner. My right-hand man. Without him, I'd be lost. He and I are a team and I love him very much. I never thought that he and I would ever be so close, but here we are. Both crying because leaving each other is like.. drinking kool-aid without sugar. It's just wrong. I love you Bax.
Tracy Tidwell.. well, as much as he annoys me, I'll miss him too. He always has me laughing with his stupid jokes and his fart noises.
For EVERYONE that has been involved in OHTS, past and present, you are amazing. All of you are very dear to my heart. To whoever gets to take my place.. well.. good luck.
-L
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Why don't we try defying gravity?
Lately my head has just been so full of junk. I can't exactly put my finger on what is keeping my mind so occupied. I feel like I have so much to say, but I can't find the words to say it. Right now, I'm thinking about how dead originality is. Sometimes I feel like I can't take so much as a different step without ten people turning and taking the exact same step. It's just sad that people can't be themselves. I'm not the kind of girl who mimics what I see on TV and on the radio, no. I'm the girl that makes up words, and tries to invent new colors. I do the things I like. Not what everyone else likes.
Today in English we read the first three chapters of the King James Version of the Bible. We read about the creation of Heaven and Earth and my mind slowly drifted away and I began to wonder just how big outer space really is. I mean, I just can't imagine something going on for all eternity. If you ask me, that's a really long time. I can barely take a 12 hour long bus ride, much less a spaceship ride forever.
Graduation is so close I can smell it. It smells like.. success. Things are finally coming together as far as 'life after high school' goes. I'm making plans and praying that they go accordingly. Lets just keep our fingers crossed.
In band we got new music for the spring concert. We got a piece called "Selections from Wicked", Which happens to be one of my favorite musicals. If you have never heard of it please look it up. Not the book, the musical. It's wonderful. As a matter of fact, I'm listening to a Wicked station on Pandora. I'm listening to "Defying Gravity". My favorite lines are:
"Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost. Well, If that's love, it comes at much to high a cost. I think I'll try defying gravity", And "Unlimited.. my future is unlimited."
Ah, it feels so good to get rid of some of the useless thoughts floating around in the ole' noodle. Sorry this is so rambly!
-L
Today in English we read the first three chapters of the King James Version of the Bible. We read about the creation of Heaven and Earth and my mind slowly drifted away and I began to wonder just how big outer space really is. I mean, I just can't imagine something going on for all eternity. If you ask me, that's a really long time. I can barely take a 12 hour long bus ride, much less a spaceship ride forever.
Graduation is so close I can smell it. It smells like.. success. Things are finally coming together as far as 'life after high school' goes. I'm making plans and praying that they go accordingly. Lets just keep our fingers crossed.
In band we got new music for the spring concert. We got a piece called "Selections from Wicked", Which happens to be one of my favorite musicals. If you have never heard of it please look it up. Not the book, the musical. It's wonderful. As a matter of fact, I'm listening to a Wicked station on Pandora. I'm listening to "Defying Gravity". My favorite lines are:
"Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost. Well, If that's love, it comes at much to high a cost. I think I'll try defying gravity", And "Unlimited.. my future is unlimited."
Ah, it feels so good to get rid of some of the useless thoughts floating around in the ole' noodle. Sorry this is so rambly!
-L
Sunday, March 20, 2011
So much to say, so little words.
It's been far too long since I've actually just sat and wrote for fun. Today is the last day of spring break, and let me tell you, this week has gone by FAST. It makes me all the more excited for summer. The weather is absolutely beautiful, and there is pollen in the air. It's definitely spring time. Fantastic! I leave early Thursday morning to go to Nashville, TN, for the weekend. Next weekend is Sweeney Todd, then it's time to prepare for prom.
Oh, Prom. Obviously, my date is Walter. Let me tell you somethings about Walter. He is.. quiet, and simple. He's that rugged country-boy type. He isn't into flashy cars or clothes. He's just so genuine. He's a great friend. I won't lie, I have battled with my own heart about him. About not letting myself think of him as more than a friend. Everything just come naturally with him, and it's easy with him. I just feel like.. We're so much better as friends. I've seen how relationships have absolutely ruin things. and I don't want to ruin us. Yesterday, I spent the day at his house, meeting his entire family for the first time. It was scary. He went to take a shower and I was left down stairs with his mom and sisters. Lucky for me, I have great people skills, and I managed to live through the night. I think his family actually likes me. His sisters invited me to hang out with them sometime. So, I think that's good.
I don't think I have ever been so excited for summer. The painfully hot weather, swimming, just freedom. I know when the 100 degree weather actually gets here I'll be begging for some cool air, but I'm ready for the freedom. and to start working on my life as an adult. Which is exciting and terrifying at the same time. I just hope I can go to Birmingham. I'm honestly leaning toward Southern Union for a year, to save money up, then move to Birmingham. Either way, I have got to get out of this house ASAP.
Ahh, thing are just moving along so quickly. It's so exciting! Summer time and real world, get ready, cause here I come!
-L
Oh, Prom. Obviously, my date is Walter. Let me tell you somethings about Walter. He is.. quiet, and simple. He's that rugged country-boy type. He isn't into flashy cars or clothes. He's just so genuine. He's a great friend. I won't lie, I have battled with my own heart about him. About not letting myself think of him as more than a friend. Everything just come naturally with him, and it's easy with him. I just feel like.. We're so much better as friends. I've seen how relationships have absolutely ruin things. and I don't want to ruin us. Yesterday, I spent the day at his house, meeting his entire family for the first time. It was scary. He went to take a shower and I was left down stairs with his mom and sisters. Lucky for me, I have great people skills, and I managed to live through the night. I think his family actually likes me. His sisters invited me to hang out with them sometime. So, I think that's good.
I don't think I have ever been so excited for summer. The painfully hot weather, swimming, just freedom. I know when the 100 degree weather actually gets here I'll be begging for some cool air, but I'm ready for the freedom. and to start working on my life as an adult. Which is exciting and terrifying at the same time. I just hope I can go to Birmingham. I'm honestly leaning toward Southern Union for a year, to save money up, then move to Birmingham. Either way, I have got to get out of this house ASAP.
Ahh, thing are just moving along so quickly. It's so exciting! Summer time and real world, get ready, cause here I come!
-L
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans- John Lennon
I've recently become obsessed with The Beatles. I mean, I've always liked their music, but now I absolutely adore it! I had to do a project on how drugs influenced music in the 60's. Of course The Beatles came to mind immediately. So, I started listening to their music, researching lyrics, and looking up small facts about each band member. I did the same for Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin.
Listening to The Beatles (which I am doing right now) helps me focus. I just love it!
I got to thinking: if I could ever go back in time, I would probably choose to go back to the 20's or the 60's. Two carefree ages, you know, minus the whole Great Depression thing in 1929.
"The Roaring 20's" was all about the flappers, and the speak easys. Times were good.
The 60's was all about experimenting. It was "the feel good" age. Meaning if it felt good, do it. I promise I don't do drugs. To me that's not what its about. It's like.. back then people didn't judge you. everyone just did what made them happy. Things aren't near as simple these days. Now it's all about who you know and how much money you have. We all take things for granted. Back then people took time to literally stop and smell the roses. They were in touch with nature, and everything around them. Nothing mattered but love. Pure, honest to god, and sometimes drug induced love. That is exactly what the world needs. (Love not drugs!)
Sorry I've been neglecting my blog, these past few weeks have been crazy! This weekend I will be traveling to Ohio for showchoir. Next weekend is Chicago, and the following weekend is Nashville. Then Shortly after is opening night of Sweeney Todd, and the prom. After all that, its smooth sailing until graduation! So, wish me luck over the next few weeks and I'll try to keep my blog updated!
-L
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