Well.. I got my wish..

I'm pregnant. I've told michael (obviously) and my sisters and my best friends. But not my parents yet. It feels so surreal. Like its not really happening. I'm terrified of telling my parents. That's my biggest concern right now.

Baby Fever

I've always been one to pride myself on being completely open and honest. Sometimes I can't be, but right here... right now, I'm going to let it all out. Two of my closest friends are mothers. They are both my age. No more than a month older than myself. Since the two of them have had their babies our friendship as withered away to nothing more than a random text every few weeks. Partly because they have more important things to think about, and partly because I just can't relate to them anymore.

For a while now I've had this "baby fever". I want a baby. I'm young, and I know being a mom is far from a walk on the beach. I practically raised my nephew till this point. I'm 19 going on 30. I'm way too mature for my age. I'm so ready to have my own baby, live my own life. Most kids dream of becoming a doctor, or a vet, or an astronaut. Me? I always wanted to be a mommy. To create a new life with someone whom I love SO much has been my dream since I was a little girl. I'm ready to live that dream.

Anyone who knows me knows that  my biggest fear is having a doctor tell me that I am not able to have children. I have plenty reason to believe that my biggest fear may be a reality. I know I need to pick up the phone an make an appointment, but I am so terrified of hearing what they have to say. If i hear that I can't have kids.. I honestly don't know how I will react. I know it will crush me. I can't even bare to think of what my life will be like without living my dream. Soon... Soon I'm going to get up the courage to make that phone call. Whatever happens, happens. "Que sera, sera" right? Michael and I will deal with whatever outcome. I just hope its what I want to hear...


-L

Just a little catching up

It's been close to a year since I blogged. I just haven't felt like it. My life as I know it now is completely different than it was a year ago when i graduated high school. I can tell that I have grown up a lot just by looking back on past blogs. So, here's a quick update to let you guys know how things have been going since high school!
I have completed two semesters of college at Southern Union, and let me tell you it was not easy. first semester was a breeze. When I got to the second semester I guess I did not take it as seriously as I should have. I barely passed some classes and I did not pass a few, which I will be retaking online this fall.
I have fallen in love with the most amazing human on this earth. I remember reading an old blog about Valentine's day and questioning who I would end up with, and wondering if it was someone that I already knew. Turns out, "the one" was right in front of me the whole time, and I never knew it. I was so blind to it because I was too worried about chasing after someone whom I was simply infatuated with. Michael and I have known each other since I was a freshman, and we have always been pretty close friends. Our relationship developed very slowly, and I am actually very thankful for that. It gave me time to know him,  and trust him. Not jumping into a relationship in the beginning has made all the difference. We've been together a little over a year now, and I truly do love this man.
I get a little depressed more often than I used to. I think its just because I have more time on my hands now. It's summer time. I'm either at work or sitting at home doing nothing. I wish i was responsible enough to be one of those people who have saved up enough for a car and an apartment, but I'm not. I am about to start a new job that pays A LOT more than Zaxby's, not that I don't love my job now, but i need the money. I have bills on top of bill now. Being a grown up is really hard. Like, REALLY hard. It sucks, but its... nice. I know that doesn't make sense, but eventually you'll understand what I mean if you don't already.
Ahh, well.. it's been real. Until next time, my friend.

-L

New beginnings

You know, I'm really enjoying life right now. I have some amazing people in my life and things are just good. Little Dawson will be here any day now. I'm amazed by how much I love him already. It's funny how such a little person can hold one of he biggest places in your heart.
Spraggy leaves for UAB in two weeks. I can't believe the summer has been so short! I'm not ready for him to go by any means. All I can think about is how time is ticking and soon enough we'll be going to Birmingham and coming back without him. Nothing will be the same. No more late night ice cream runs, no more pore cleaning sessions. Skype will inevitably become my life line. It's so depressing.I wanna cry just thinking about it. Life goes on.
So this blog is about "New Beginnings." New lives, new adventures.
I can't talk about everything I mean by 'New beginnings' just yet. I tend to jinx things. I'm happy. that's what's important right?


-L

Life as we know it

I know everyone is just dying to know how my  life is going, right? Well, I actually think it's moving along rather nicely. I've come to terms with being tossed into the friend zone. I'm more okay with it than I thought that I would be. I now have an incredible best friend whom I wouldn't for the world. I've finally stopped having panic attacks about college and, you know, I'm happy. Well, as happy as an 18 year old girl can be.I never thought I'd get back to this point. The point where I'm content and just comfortable with the way life is flowing. I'll admit my life is an emotional roller coaster, but hey, it's to be expected when someone grows up in a house like mine.
Oh! I cannot forget to mention how close Tiffany is to having Dawson. She is now 39 weeks, and oh so ready for him to come on out. We all are. I'm just so excited to hold him and love him. I'm sure that he is going to be perfect!
Speaking of babies, Mom and I have decided its well past time to try to breed Gizzy. I'm so excited for this also. I've been wanting Gizzy to have puppies for a few years. I'm hoping for a small litter and black and white puppies. If and when they are ready we will give them away to good homes. Oh, boy! This is going to be such an exciting journey. When Gracie had her kittens I loved naming them, loving them, and protecting them. It was an amazing experience.
Ah, it feels good to get back into blogging. I kind of want to look into figuring out tumblr. We'll see how it goes!

-L

Just a little rambling.

When I was a little girl, my sister and I would play outside and make mud pies, play silly games, and just be careless together. Back then, it was okay. Now that we're "all grown up" that's no longer the case. As bad as I want to be grown up and do things on my own, I can't deny there is a part of me that wishes that I had never grown up. I mean think about it. Who wants to get up everyday and go to work to pay bills?! NO ONE. Entering the adult life is a journey that isn't for the faint of hearts. Lets be real here, I'd much rather play in the dirt than go to college. Learning to ride a bike is a piece of cake compared to learning how to finance. Those are the facts. There are many moments that I would kill to go back and relive, or just do over completely, avoid even. But, I'm excited- for lack of a better word-  for the life ahead of me. I'm excited to show this world what I'm made of. Even if it means having to grow up well before I am ready. That's okay.

-L

I've officially hit rock bottom.

I don't know what it is that makes me this way. Maybe its just.. in my blood. At this moment it my life, I'm just.. depressed. My friends are all leaving for college or for the marines or something else bigger than this stupid ass little town. While they're out making something of themselves.. I'll be here, withering away to nothing. Because, let's just face it, that's what I am. Nothing. Something has triggered in my head. It makes me sick. I'm isolating myself and making everything worse, but I just can't help it. Why should my friends suffer on my behalf? It's not their fault that I'm crazy.  It's not my place to hold them back from being who they want and doing what they want. Just because I'm going to be stuck here doesn't mean that they have to be stuck with me. I've drug them down for too long and it's time to let go. I don't.. I don't want this anymore. I'm sick of fighting. I'm sick of pretending that everything is just fine when its not fine. I will not play happy anymore. I don't have to energy, nor the time to put into it. I'm gonna end up just like my mom.. just sitting here waiting for the clock to run out, because that's who I'm meant to be.
It's gotten to where I can't even convince people I'm happy, and okay with things when I REALLY AM  HAPPY. So, what's the use in trying? Maybe.. maybe I'll feel this way for a while. Maybe I'll feel totally normal, and wonder why I even posted this, but right now, at this moment.. I don't give a damn.

Hello, world.

Well, I finally did it. Graduated. The day I thought would never come has come and gone and, well I don't feel very different. I didn't cry for joy, or cry for the loss of life long friendships.. I didn't cry at all. I wasn't even sad. I was just ready to get home and get out of that damn dress.  Part of me is relieved that the hellacious days at the prison are no more, but part of me still doesn't believe it. I've grown so accustomed to the mold, and must of OHS that I'm not sure how I'll react to a new, clean school. I'm just excited to start the rest of my life.
 Now, being the wonderful girl with ADD that I am, I wanna talk about something else that been on my mind. To me, individuality is everything. "we were all born originals, Don't die a copy"
I just feel that sometimes I'm not just me. I fight to be my own person everyday, to stand out from the crowd and be different. Sometimes I feel like.. like I'm being copied; if that makes sense. Its one thing if you are inspired by someone, but a totally different thing if you repeat everything they do. It just makes you lose who you are! Everyone spends so much time trying to fit in, or be like someone that they eventually become just like everyone else. Copies. Being an individual is beautiful. I love seeing people who don't conform to society. They don't care. They do what they want because it makes them happy. They don't wear the latest fashions just because everyone else is, instead, they make their own style and stick with it.
I just.. I just wanna be me, and not them.
-L

"Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it"

Who defines what is beautiful? To me, a lot of different things are beautiful to me.
The beach at night time, or the country lands at dawn. The beginning of a new life, and that look of excitement in one's eye. Beauty is not something you have. It's something you are. Inside and out. Having a beautiful soul is.. amazing. No one ever stops to see beyond the cover of the book. It may not be pretty and attractive on the outside, but inside is a fantastic story just waiting to be to be told.
Being real is beautiful. Not that bleach blonde with the rub on tan and colored contacts. People who love themselves for who they are, are the most beautiful.
For so long I've been uncomfortable with the person that I am. I've always seen myself as 'that girl with the pretty face'. Like, people can't see past my exterior to see who I really am. The real me. This is a poem I read in 8th grade:
 Imperfect Me:
I used to try to be perfect
perfect hair
perfect date
the perfect makeup on my face
the perfect friend for all to see
I tried to be a perfect me.
I'm tall, and just a little plump
My nose has got a tiny bump
My teeth?- too big!
My ears?- too long!
the me I see is always wrong!
but then, my heart broke free.
Who I am is what I give
And if I give with all my might
the me I am will be just right.
So, here I am, Imperfect Me.

For that poem to be a silly little kid's poem, it's always meant a lot to me. I'm learning to accept myself. I know who I am, who I'm not, and who I want to be. I am smart, I have goals, and I AM BEAUTIFUL. If someone can't see the beautiful me, then they don't deserve to have me in their lives, right?
-L

Patience was never my thing..

As my last year as a high school student is coming to a close, I've been reflecting on these past 12 years. What a great 12 years it has been! I've grown, and learned and blossomed into to girl.. no, the woman I am today. It feels so incredible. This is the time of my life that I thought would never get here, and here it is, right around the corner. I just can't describe this feeling. I'm so excited and terrified at the same time. I'm leaving the only thing I have ever known. No more teachers asking for hall passes, no more parents writing me a check for lunch. No more of that OHS bulldog pride buzzing through the halls. I feel so free, yet so heartbroken. It's this amazingly awful feeling.  I just can't wait to see what becomes of me.
-L

Que Sera, sera.

I seem to live for that saying these days. "What ever will be, will be." I tell myself that everyday. Some days are just so wonderful, other days.. well, not so much. I guess that's to me expected, right?
I'm the kind of person who is used to being in control, and having a goal and working hard to get it. Instant gratification. For the first time, things are way out of my hands, and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. It's hard to just.. wait around not knowing what he feels, or what he's even thinking.  I honestly feel vulnerable for the first time in a really long time. I don't like it one bit. So much is going on in my life. This is the most important time of my life and I feel like I have absolutely no control over how it plays out. My anxiety has been going crazy, and I can just feel my heart getting tired from all of the weight that I've been putting on it lately.
This boy. There are so many things that I adore about him. The little things are what I love the most. Like how he knows me. He's recently started to be.. eh, I don't want to say protective.. He's been more concerned about my well-being then usual; Or he's voicing it more than usual. It just feels good knowing that he's cares. The one thing I absolutely without a doubt love about him is how I can look into his eyes, and see clear to his heart. "The eyes are the window to your soul" It speaks so true. I just... I can't find the words to describe what it is about him that makes me so.. happy, and I don't plan on searching for that reason because.. well cause we all need a little mystery in our lives.
-L

It's a love story.

Or, some screwed up version or some at least. You know? Girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy, boy just.. is  boy? Yeah, that kind. And you know something? I'm perfectly okay with moving slow, and letting things fall naturally. Que sera, sera, right? Last night was pretty hard. I had my mind so focused on him that I couldn't relax long enough to get sleepy. I closed my eyes, I saw him. I turned the tv off, I heard his voice in my head. I listened to music, and it was a stupid sappy love song that made me think about him. You see, I'm not this kinda girl. I don't get all googly eyed and junk when it come to boys. But, I don't know. With him I dont have to be perfect. Shoot, me and perfect dont even belong in the same book. ( oh and in case you didnt notice, im being lazy about punctuation and junk today. Sorry!) I dont want to jinx anything, so we'll see what happens.
Needless to say, its been a long day. But, I had to write a little bit. I always feel better after i write. even if it is about something pointless. oh, well.
-L

i got lost in your brown eyes.

I've sat here staring at a blank screen for at least fifteen minutes now. So, I turned on the musical station on Pandora hoping it will help me think a little. So far, I've still got nothing.
I want so badly to to write something that is inspiring, or moving, or even something intellectual, but my brain refuses to come out of hibernation. I have spent most of the day cleaning or curled up in bed. The past few days I've just wanted to be alone. There are only a select few people that I really really wanna see, most of which I will see tomorrow at school. Others, well who knows?
I was listening to some old songs today. one song in particular made me think about one person. the lyrics are:

I'm so scared that
The way that I feel
Is written all over my face
When you walk into the room
I wanna find a hiding place
We used to laugh
We used to hug
The way that old friends do
But now a smile and
A touch of your hand
Just make me come unglued
It's such a contradiction
Do I lie or tell the truth?
Is it fact or fiction
The way I feel for you?
CHORUS:
It's so complicated
I'm so frustrated
I wanna hold you close
I wanna push you away
I wanna make you go
I wanna make you stay
Should I say it
Should I tell you
How I feel?
Oh, I want you to know
But then again I don't
It's so complicated.

Just when I think
I'm under control
I think I finally got a grip
Another friend tells me that
My name is always
On your lips
They say I'm more
Than just a friend
They say I must be blind
Well I admit that
I've seen you watch me
From the corner of your eye
Oh it's so confusing
I wish you'd just confess
But think of what I'd be losing
If your answer wasn't yes

Repeat chorus

I hate it 'cause
I've waited so long
For someone like you
Should I say it
Should I tell you
How I feel?
Oh I want you to know
But then again I don't
It's so complicated

The last blog I posted.. in some ways I regret posting it, because I'm scared.. terrified, actually. However, in my first blog I promised to be completely honest. So, I won't delete it. I'm going to just take what ever happens. I don't know if mentioned persons have read the blog, but if and when they do, I'll deal with whatever happens. I'm a strong person. I'll take what I can get from him, because I do love him so very much. I'd rather have his friendship than to completely lose him. I'm not strong enough for that. But, I guess we'll see where this goes.
-L

The worst thing a girl could ever do.

.. Is fall in love with her best friend. Especially when she knows she doesn't have even the slightest chance with him. It's wrong, and unrealistic. I've tried for months now to smother it to the very back of my mind. The last thing I want to do is ruin the amazing friendship that we have. I just hurts.. so bad.
Let me give you this back story before I tell you the main story. I have a best friend. She and I are totally in sync with each other. It's like we're on the same wave length and sometimes its even scary. She is beautiful, and smart, and caring and artsy. Everything a guy would want. A guy would be insane not to like her. There lies the problem. Because she is so beautiful and I'm so.. me, I feel like at times I am in constant competition for attention of our guy friends. We have never had a mutual guy friend that hasn't had a crush on her. Therefore, if I happen to like a guy who also knows her it usually ends up like this:
Me: Hey, wanna hang out sometime?
Guy: Sure, is your friend going to be there too?
Me: Sure, I guess she can be..
Guy: Great! Cause she's really pretty. Does she have a boyfriend?
BAM. There goes all hope.  I get all upset and just.. jealous. She's pretty much beating buys off with a stick, and I'm the friend they come to when they need someone to put in a good word and that's it. It just gets hard to handle at times. I just wonder why I'm not good enough. Like, obviously I'm just not pretty enough being as though she and I are literally just alike, so I know it isn't my personality.
Anyway, So I have this friend. He's one of my closet guy friends. A few months back he told me he liked her. At first I was totally happy, you know? He needs a nice girl, and it was all fine and dandy. The more he talked about her, the more I regretted ever introducing them. I was just jealous. The feelings for him just keep growing
Now, back to the point.
So, Last night was prom night. my best guy friend was my date, and my best girl friend (the one from the back story) was in our group with her date, another good friend. So, we get to prom and it was LAME. My date is a shy guy so we didn't dance much, and I didn't too much mind it. I did, however, mind him giving my friend more attention than me. We sat in some chairs outside the ball room and I just watched them shamelessly flirting. I was full of jealously and just ..pure rage. I mean, here I am at my senior prom feeling like.. a third wheel to my date and my best friend. I literally got up and walked out. Partly to see if he could follow me, and partly because I didn't want to watch them anymore. As I was walking out on the grass I tried to piece together what I was feeling. I was hurt, and I felt dumb for even thinking this time would be different. I felt embarrassed because I let my feelings for him just build up, and I was letting my feelings get the best of me. I was angry, and sad, and.. and  jealous. They both followed me out. She asked if I was okay, and of course I lied and said yes. I really wanted to just yell "No! I'm not okay! I'm in love with him and he likes you.. like always."  He's my best friend.. and I'm in love with him. When I took him home last night I hugged him tight, and it literally hurt to let him go. It took everything in me not to look him in the eye. He said goodnight and I told him I loved him and he said it back. Only difference is, I really do love him. It hurts like hell. I won't tell him. I refuse to do anything that might cause me to lose him, I won't. So, that's it, if you're still reading this, thank you. I had to get it out because It's all I can think about. I'm in love with my best friend. So, I'm gonna take a deep breath, and pack all these feelings back where they belong. Where no one can see them.
-L

Goodbye doesn't always mean forever.

Lady or the Tiger.
Les Miserables S.E.
The Man Who Came to Dinner
Tartuffe
Oliver!
Blithe Spirit
25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street S.E.

Am I forgetting any? It's quite possible. The past 4 years I have been surrounded by the most amazing people you could possibly imagine. I cannot even find the words to express my gratitude for these people. Saying goodbye to this, to them is probably one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. I have never in my life worked so hard on anything. The Opelika High Theatre Society is my family. The Opelika Performing Arts Center is my home. I'm so sad that I have to just walk away from something that I've dedicated my entire being to for four years. It's  heart breaking. Those people and that theatre have been my escape from everything bad for so long that it literally hurts to be losing it. I do not know who or where I would be if it wasn't for them.
Revel Gholston is one of the most amazing men I will ever know. I could thank him a million times and I still would not be thanking him enough. He's not only my teacher, but he has become one of my close friends. He isn't always easy to deal with, but I deal with him anyway, just like he puts up with me. He's the only person who can convince me to stay at that school until 4 in the morning working. I love every minute of it.This all started in 8th grade when Kathryn Spain convinced me to sign up for theatre. I fell in love immediately. 10th grade Revel somehow sucked me into helping him Tech for Lady or the Tiger, and well,  the rest was history. I haven't left Revel's side since then. I'm always there when he needs me. Hell, I'm there when he doesn't need me. But now, He's going to have to train someone else to memorize his favorite drink and what he wants from BK. He'll have to teach someone else how to deal with some of the crazy people from Opelika Arts Association. As hard as it is, He'll have to say goodbye, and I'll have to say it back. I'm not ready for that moment yet. 
Baxter Burke is my partner. My right-hand man. Without him, I'd be lost. He and I are a team and I love him very much. I never thought that he and I would ever be so close, but here we are. Both crying because leaving each other is like.. drinking kool-aid without sugar. It's just wrong. I love you Bax.
Tracy Tidwell.. well, as much as he annoys me, I'll miss him too. He always has me laughing with his stupid jokes and his fart noises.
For EVERYONE that has been involved in OHTS, past and present, you are amazing. All of you are very dear to my heart. To whoever gets to take my place.. well.. good luck.
-L

Why don't we try defying gravity?

Lately my head has just been so full of junk. I can't exactly put my finger on what is keeping my mind so occupied. I feel like I have so much to say, but I can't find the words to say it. Right now, I'm thinking about how dead originality is. Sometimes I feel like I can't take so much as a different step without ten people turning and taking the exact same step. It's just sad that people can't be themselves. I'm not the kind of girl who mimics what I see on TV and on the radio, no. I'm the girl that makes up words, and tries to invent new colors. I do the things I like. Not what everyone else likes.
Today in English we read the first three chapters of the King James Version of the Bible. We read about the creation of Heaven and Earth and my mind slowly drifted away and I began to wonder just how big outer space really is. I mean, I just can't imagine something going on for all eternity.  If you ask me, that's a really long time. I can barely take a 12 hour long bus ride, much less a spaceship ride forever.
Graduation is so close I can smell it. It smells like.. success. Things are finally coming together as far as 'life after high school' goes. I'm making plans and praying that they go accordingly. Lets just keep our fingers crossed.
In band we got new music for the spring concert. We got a piece called "Selections from Wicked", Which happens to be one of my favorite musicals. If you have never heard of it please look it up. Not the book, the musical. It's wonderful. As a matter of fact, I'm listening to a Wicked station on Pandora. I'm listening to "Defying Gravity". My favorite lines are:
"Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost. Well, If that's love, it comes at much to high a cost. I think I'll try defying gravity", And "Unlimited.. my future is unlimited."
Ah, it feels so good to get rid of some of the useless thoughts floating around in the ole' noodle. Sorry this is so rambly!
-L

So much to say, so little words.

It's been far too long since I've actually just sat and wrote for fun. Today is the last day of spring break, and let me tell you, this week has gone by FAST. It makes me all the more excited for summer. The weather is absolutely beautiful, and there is pollen in the air. It's definitely spring time. Fantastic!  I leave early Thursday morning to go to Nashville, TN, for the weekend. Next weekend is Sweeney Todd, then it's time to prepare for prom.
Oh, Prom.  Obviously, my date is Walter. Let me tell you somethings about Walter. He is.. quiet, and simple. He's that rugged country-boy type. He isn't into flashy cars or clothes. He's just so genuine. He's a great friend. I won't lie, I have battled with my own heart about him. About not letting myself think of him as more than a friend. Everything just come naturally with him, and it's easy with him. I just feel like.. We're so much better as friends. I've seen how relationships have absolutely ruin things. and I don't want to ruin us. Yesterday, I spent the day at his house, meeting his entire family for the first time. It was scary. He went to take a shower and I was left down stairs with his mom and sisters. Lucky for me, I have great people skills, and I managed to live through the night. I think his family actually likes me. His sisters invited me to hang out with them sometime. So, I think that's good.
I don't think I have ever been so excited for summer. The painfully hot weather, swimming, just freedom. I know when the 100 degree weather actually gets here I'll be begging for some cool air, but  I'm ready for the freedom. and to start working on my life as an adult. Which is exciting and terrifying at the same time. I just hope I can go to Birmingham. I'm honestly leaning toward Southern Union for a year, to save money up, then move to Birmingham. Either way, I have got to get out of this house ASAP. 
Ahh, thing are just moving along so quickly. It's so exciting! Summer time and real world, get ready, cause here I come!
-L

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans- John Lennon

I've recently become obsessed with The Beatles. I mean, I've always liked their music, but now I absolutely adore it! I had to do a project on how drugs influenced music in the 60's. Of course The Beatles came to mind immediately. So, I started listening to their music, researching lyrics,  and looking up small facts about each band member. I did the same for Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin.

Listening to The Beatles (which I am doing  right now) helps me focus. I just love it!
I got to thinking: if I could ever go back in time, I would probably choose to go back to the 20's or the 60's. Two carefree ages, you know, minus the whole Great Depression thing in 1929.
"The Roaring 20's" was all about the flappers, and the speak easys. Times were good.
The 60's was all about experimenting. It was "the feel good" age.  Meaning if it felt good, do it. I promise I don't do drugs. To me that's not what its about. It's like.. back then people didn't judge you. everyone just did what made them happy. Things aren't near as simple these days. Now it's all about who you know and how much money you have. We all take things for granted. Back then people took time to literally stop and smell the roses. They were in touch with nature, and everything around them. Nothing mattered but love. Pure, honest to god, and sometimes drug induced love. That is exactly what the world needs. (Love not drugs!)

Sorry I've been neglecting my blog, these past few weeks have been crazy! This weekend I will be traveling to Ohio for showchoir. Next weekend is Chicago, and the following weekend is Nashville. Then Shortly after is opening night of Sweeney Todd, and the prom. After all that, its smooth sailing until graduation! So, wish me luck over the next few weeks and I'll try to keep my blog updated!
-L

Don't think. Don't Judge. Just listen.

I recently read this book. Just Listen  by Sarah Dessen. This book has so much meaning behind it that I can barely grasp all of it. Here's the summary:
Annabel Greene is the girl who has everything. At least that's who she plays in a commercial for Kopf's Department Store: top student, popular cheerleader, dazzling prom queen surrounded by friends. In real life, though, Annabel is the girl who has nothing: no best friend since her friendship with mean-but-exciting Sophie ended with malicious rumors flying, no peace at home while her older sister's eating disorder preoccupies the family, and no ability to tell anyone what's on her mind.
And then she meets Owen Armstrong- intense, obsessed with music, and determined to always tell the truth, no matter what the consequences.
Can a girl who hates confrontation find a way to connect with a guy who thrives on it? And can Annabel find the courage to tell what really happened the night she and Sophie stopped being friends?
The more I got into the book the more the character Owen made me think. It's still on my mind. The book basically makes me realize that everyone has a story. Things aren't always as they appear. You can make all the assumptions you want, but in the end the only way you'll ever know the truth is if you get involved. Owen explained to Annabel that using words like "something" or "stuff" are place holders. They're used to mask the truth. "R and R" means rephrase and redirect. I think it could easily be applied to real life. Just rephrase a statement that isn't a direct attack toward the person you are talking to.
The most important thing I got from the book is : Don't think. Don't judge. Just listen.  It's self explanatory. People don't take the time to just listen to each other. Maybe it's time to try.
-L

Valentine's Day

Every year around this time couples get extra lovey dovey, and every year, Cupid forgets to visit me. Don't worry, I have yet to turn into one of those women who mope around eating chocolates and watching Lifetime movies all day. The hopeless romantic within me is just dying to get out and do all of those goofy things that love makes you do. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Valentine's Day. The entire day just has this.. vibe to it.
I can't help but to want to spend my day with someone truly special to me. I want to make Monday a day amazing for someone I love very much. I'm both dreading and anticipating what this year will bring. When I was younger I always imagined the most romantic Valentine's day ever. As I mentioned before, I have a very active imagination.
I almost miss the days when February 14th was nothing more than a paper card with a picture of a kitty that reads: "You're puuuuurfect, Valentine!"
Back then it didn't seem to matter much. I remember when I was little my sister and I would rush home from school with our little bags full of valentines from our classmates. We'd go door to door in our neighborhood and give our cards away to everyone, and told them that we loved them. If they weren't home, we'd tape it to their door and watch out the window until they got home. Back then, that was satisfying.
Now, I'm eighteen, and the world just isn't as kind. I'm sure if taped a paper Valentine to my neighbor's door that has "To: Lacey From: blah blah" they'd get highly upset.
I don't really know the point of this blog. I guess I just wanted to talk, but, that's it. Valentine's Day is six days away, and all I've got is a heart shaped box of gross chocolates, and a single pink rose for my daddy coming my way. That's just alright with me. I mean, it is the thought that counts, right?
-L